Falling Down: Friendship

In my High School Yearbook in the popularity section, I was voted “Most likely to become a Hermit”. I brought this on myself though, I had friends but didn’t run in there groups or clique’s. I walked to and from school by myself. The activities I participated were mainly non-team oriented.

In the Navy it was the same story. My job was a one man position and when I performed it, most others were sleeping or doing something else. Having gotten saved in the 1st year of my military service drew me out of this ‘Lone Wolf Attitude’ when I was ashore and fellowshipping. Once I went out to sea, I withdrew and it started again. I spent 95% of my naval service at sea.

I thought marriage would finally change this about me (actually thought it twice) but I was wrong again. At first, it was great but then I slowly withdrew again. This, as you can probably understand led to divorce.

Even today, I try to be a part of a group but my job dictates a lot of alone time. I work from home which gives me a lot of time to myself. My job has some travel in it, but when work finishes, I eat meals alone and go to my hotel room.

This doesn’t sound very Christian like does it?

"It is not good for the man to be alone…” (Genesis 2)

Most of us know from personal experience that there is no sting like the sting of loneliness. Most of us have been there and done that when it comes to loneliness. Mother Theresa said, “Loneliness is the leprosy of modern society”, no one wants to be a leper.

I think you would all agree that we need friends and even if you don’t - it’s still true... It’s how we are wired up… and it’s crucial for living out God’s purpose for our lives. Most of us had many friends growing up, yet many times as we become adults - we become isolated and find in our lives that the number of ‘surface’ acquaintances increases, while the number of close friends decreases dramatically.

We have those good friends that we can count on, talk to, share with, and cry on the shoulders of (those 3 o’clock in the morning friends who we call) are few and far between. But as a result there are a lot of lone rangers running round today... trying to do life on their own.

Why is it that so many people today are lacking deep intimate/friendships?

1. Our culture and modern life doesn’t promote close friendships - we are a busy people with little time, who constantly allow the urgent – to crowd out the important. We are a surface and small talk society (we can talk; weather, sports, hobbies, politics, movies) but break out in hives if conversations get any deeper.

2. We are a fast food people… We are not used to waiting for anything, we want things fast, and we want them now. Wise people do not try to microwave friendships… you can’t do community in a hurry: You can’t listen in a hurry. You can’t mourn in a hurry with those who mourn, or rejoice in a hurry with those who rejoice.

3. Developing Friendships is risky; to be open and honest; to let someone inside; to allow someone to be close enough to you, that they see the real you and can hurt you (we don’t like to be that vulnerable) I’ve been reading the book, “Hiding from Love” and one of the major points of the book is “We hide because we don’t like who we are, so how can you like me?”

4. Most of us have been burned in the past (and we are gun shy) have you ever been burned/betrayed by someone who you thought was a friend? How did it make you feel? It’s devastating, isn’t it?

In Psalm 55:6-8 & 12-14, this happened to David. Oh, how I wish I had wings like a dove; then I would fly away and rest! I would fly far away to the quiet of the wilderness. How quickly I would escape--far away from this wild storm of hatred… It is not an enemy who taunts me--I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me— I could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you--my equal, my companion and close friend. What good fellowship we enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God.

We need friends, we need close friends. The risk is big, the price is high and because of that many people even those in the church decide that despite the need; it is not worth it. It’s not really what they want - it’s just safer. They settle for a life in the lowlands rather than risk the climb up the mountain of intimate friendship.

Satan wants us to not take risks. Satan wants us to be alone; it’s easier on him then. Satan wants you to be, ‘Lone Wolf McQuade’.

There is no spiritual drive-thru window out there someplace where you can just roll up in your car and say, "I’ll take one spiritual friend, super-size them, please." There is no place on the Web labeled spiritual friendship.com with next day delivery.

The best way I know of getting true friendship is become the kind of friend who has all the standard features that a person created in the image of God comes with.