Arguing With Myself

To expect perfection in each other is unrealistic, this exists only in happily-ever-after fairy tales. You want to be happy in life? Don’t always agree with others. The sooner we accept that, the better we will be able to adjust to each other and enjoy togetherness.

Billy Graham once said, “Happily incompatible is a good adjustment."

Conflict is unavoidable! How we handle those conflicts can help us improve or destroy our relationships with others and with ourselves.  Isn’t it amazing how prone to conflict we human beings are? We can find an excuse or reason for conflict about almost anything!

On my desk, worn, faded but right where I can see it always is the following quote:

“Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict…”

I’m not sure who spoke this. I do know it’s very much a part of my life for many reasons. Mainly because I argue a lot… with myself! I have conflicting thoughts and ideas… This is how I deal with my inner and external conflicts:

1.       Proverbs 15:1 “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Have you ever tried to argue in a whisper? It is equally hard to argue with someone who insists on answering gently. You can control the other person’s tone of voice by controlling your own tone of voice.

2.       Proverbs 15:2 “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.”

James 1:19-20  My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

A contractors motto: Measure twice, cut once.

My motto: Listen twice, speak once. (Work in progress)

Lengthen your fuse. Take time to value the person making the statement so that you evaluate carefully what they are saying before you respond. In other words, people matter more than the position you hold! Who they are is far more important than what they say!

3.       Proverbs 15:3-4 “The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”

Some fights are not worth the effort. When we enter into some arguments, we say things we don’t mean, raise our voices and our blood pressure so that we boil over and spill out things we should have never buried in our heart and mind in the first place!

4.       Ephesians 4:15 “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.”

If your truth is not balanced by love or your love not balanced by truth, then what you have to say is laced with selfishness. When you argue without speaking the truth in love, you are only trying to impress, not impact. When it comes to communicating with each other, it can never be either “Truth” or “love”. It must always be Truth and Love.

So, there you have it, a plan for dealing with conflict.

You want to know a secret (it’s not a secret for those of you who know me)? I’m still working on all these points in my life. It’s a daily decision for me…this is why I argue with myself!